


love just is

by numbateme



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Disney References, Fate, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Historical References, Los Angeles, M/M, Pining, Romance, Serendipity - Freeform, Slow Burn, Standrew - Freeform, Train Stations, Trains, Worth It, skinny love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24061594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbateme/pseuds/numbateme
Summary: "Andrew had wished he had told Steven, on that fateful day, that he had changed his life as well."
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	love just is

**Author's Note:**

> there are plenty of references to irrfan's works, namely The Lunchbox and Life of Pi, and this work is dedicated to him.
> 
> enjoy [:

* * *

_for Irrfan khan. rest in peace, and love. always._

* * *

"Are we cursed?"

_"Not all of us, just you. And maybe Ryan."_

Andrew ignored him and resumed his puzzle.

"Plus, you're the only one who laughs at your jokes."

"So? I'm hilarious."

_"You've been on that puzzle for days now, isn't it time to give it up and take a new hobby? Like trying out new cafes in downtown LA?"_

Andrew shot him a glare and twisted his mouth. He hated Los Angeles cafes, they were simply made for Instagram and quirky movies. "I like knowing what I'm creating, thank you very much."

_"It's the Golden Gate Bridge. The photo is on the cover, Andrew."_

"It's still satisfying seeing all the pieces come together."

_"… Florida is beautiful this time of year."_

That made Andrew still. He let out a long-suffering sigh as he fit the corner of his two-day-old puzzle and gathered himself before looking at his iPad screen. The first thing he noticed was his striking admiral hair. He had been on a kick of dying his hair for the last three, four years – his favorite having been bubblegum pink – and while he should be used to it, he was not used to how dark the blue was. He was donned in his glasses, switching his usual long-sleeve shirts for a peace tank top that had a shark darting into the ocean.

"Nice shirt."

If Andrew knew how he would explain it to you but he did not. It started in small quips, once in the Buzzfeed cafeteria, Steven lamenting how he was rapidly approaching the Big Three-O and he did not like where he was. He often added, in between filming for Season Five of Worth It, he needed to explore the vast lands of America, find himself and come back anew, the New and Improved Steven. Just like they advertised cookers or microwaves at the store. Whatever that meant. He would tell him, that feeling old was simply a mindset, that it was a choice to grow old not necessarily something that was sprung upon him. Steven hummed at that and Andrew had thought it was the end of.

It was pretty sunny outside when Steven had told him that he had to go, had to leave, to find his soul or _he would die, Andrew!_ Always dramatic, that Steven. It was on a Tuesday mid-afternoon, Steven had bagged all of his holidays and extra holidays he had never taken, and off he was. Ever so generous, Andrew drove him to LAX, Steven talking his ear off the magical New York City. The Big Apple. The city that never sleeps. Of concrete jungles where dreams were made of, yellow taxis, Statue of Liberty, large billboards and even larger bright lights up and down millions of Avenues, Tribeca to Brooklyn, not forgetting the taste of good life on the Upper East Side, of searching sounds and sights that had never been discovered before.

As Alicia Keys famously sang _these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you, there's nothin' you can't do, now you're in New York!_

Steven had asked if he would like to join him in New York and he fervently shook his head. He was not 21-years-old anymore, he could not just up-and-leave, and at no moment's notice as well? That was not how the real world worked, save the dramatics for movie screens, thank you very much. Steven pursed his lips and nodded, so much for trying.

 _"I got it at the beach today,"_ Steven said, briefly looking down at his tank top _. "Everything here is so cheap!"_

"If you're comparing Florida to California, I'm going to stop you right there. Nobody goes to Florida. That's for the retired, old people."

_"Heeeeey, I'm an old soul."_

Perhaps, with Andrew staring at his new gold-framed glasses, his need to leave started when, last year during the Christmas party, he received the book _Eat, Pray, Love._ The book he slowly had a burning urge to watch it go up in flames. Even as he watched the movie, starring the gorgeous Julia Roberts, he cursed under his breath for whoever was Steven's Secret Santa during the Christmas party because he could bet his last bottom dollar it was because he read that book.

Of course, Steven would laugh, saying it was just a book and books do not make one pack a suitcase and take a trip to the other side of the country, to the East Coast. A whopping total of 3,944 kilometers, a four-hour flight.

As a fan of road trips, it would take him 41 hours to drive to New York, traversing Arizona [ the majestic Grand Canyon National Park.], New Mexico, Missouri [ famously known as the "Show Me State"], Illinois, too. He was very surprised to learn the number of famous people from Ohio ranging from LeBron James, Steven Spielberg, Stephen Curry, the first man to walk on the moon, Neil Armstrong, and John Legend. (It needed no mention but Steven himself). Next, he would proceed on with his road trip journey down to his hometown of New Jersey and finally New York, baby.

No, he did not spend hours after dropping Steven at LAX on how far he was, that would be wild. He was simply adding to his knowledge of where states were. That was all.

(Though he was pleasantly surprised the little fun facts he learned about his own country.)

A couple of days after Steven's departure, he was starkly reminded how different he was from the adventurous man. Steven was a Scorpio, the unpredictable of the bunch, imaginative and curious, too; while he was simply a Pisces, the fish. That was all he needed to know. He hated change, abhorred at the idea of change. So, when Steven had asked him to jump on a four-hour flight to New York, he knew deep in his bones he was going nowhere. He loved Los Angeles, the city of angels, where actors and singers were born, where thousands of palm trees lined up the streets against the backdrop of orange-red horizons.

It was his Home.

"Nobody goes to Florida," he said to him. "Nobody ever says, 'Let's go to Florida for holiday.' cause it sucks."

Steven laughed, already used to his grumpiness _. "It's wonderful here. The people, the sea, Wizarding World of Harry Potter,"_ he wiggled his eyebrows, _"and I guess crocodiles if you're into that."_

"What happened to New York?"

_"It… did not live up to my expectations."_

"But it's New York City, the Big Apple as you so proudly always said."

Steven frowned slightly before he looked to somewhere off-screen. _"Sometimes not everything goes according to plan."_ And as quickly as he had said that he asked him about his day.

Andrew told him of his monotonous adventures at Buzzfeed, his days spent in Production meetings, filming for Eating Your Feed, joining Matt and the rest for editing the latest season of Worth It, and oh, Rie is pregnant!

_"No way! Really?"_

Andrew nodded, a smile tugging on his lips. "Yep! She is 21-weeks pregnant—is that 2 months? And a half?" — Steven shrugged his shoulders — "and she invited us for her baby shower in November. You're invited."

_"Hey, my birthday month."_

"She's pretty excited about the birth of her baby. We spent the whole afternoon coming up with baby names. Nobody liked Harriet."

"Harriet was your choice? That's terrible."

"Named after Harriet Tubman, you know, the great American abolitionist who freed hundreds and hundreds of slaves using the Underground Railroad during the mid-19th Century."

Steven sheepishly smiled. _"When you put it that way, then yes, perhaps Harriet is a wonderful name but Rie has no connection to Harriet Tubman—and neither do you."_

"I love history."

_"Since when? Your favorite history usually involves the likes of Mozart and Chopin."_

"I'll have you know I don't discriminate when it comes to the great book of history." Steven stared at him for a moment or two before Andrew sighed in defeat. " You know how I rarely ever get the $20 bill? Well, the other day I got one and wondered who that was on the bill. I did my research and learned about Tubman's history. Quite amazing, her history, albeit sad, too."

_"American history is not as heroic of history as many like to believe."_

Andrew agreed. "Did you know that the black slaves would sing to warn each other, send information to each other, and sometimes the whites would tremble with fear?"

Steven's eyes were widened with surprise. " _That's… impressive. I heard she was nicknamed Moses, too."_

"Moses from the Bible?" Andrew questioned. "How?"

_"In the Bible, Moses freed the Israelites who were slaves to the Egyptians."_

Andrew gasped, it made sense. It made total sense. "Oh! That explains a lot. Cause in the movie, Harriet also frees the slaves from the white people… just like Moses."

Steven smiled at his final understanding _. "I'd love to read more about her. Are there books about her?"_

"I don't know. I'll see if I find any and let you know," Andrew promised him.

_"I'd love that."_

They talked for a bit until Steven let out two big yawns and Andrew said it was time for bed. They said their goodbyes, promising to call each other the same time tomorrow like they had been doing for the past 42 days (no, Andrew was not counting the days, go away!). It was still considerably early so he made himself a bowl of popcorn and sat in front of the couch, ready to watch _Downton Abbey_. Steven often made fun of him for watching something boring, slow, old, and humorless.

 _It's called dry humor, you bozzo,_ he would find himself defending. He pressed pause on episode three and frowned. Was he… boring? Slow and old? Humorless, too?

"I'm not," he said to himself. "I'm fucking hilarious."

Yet he found himself changing tune and opting to go through his 'List' which was a list of movies and series Steven either watched or recommended for him. He often said he would get round to watching them, or even at least one, but, well, Steven would ask about it sometime later, he would say the same thing and repeat process over and over again. Today he was breaking the loop.

"Only for you, fucking Steven!" he mumbled as he looked down The List. First on the list was _Slumdog Millionaire_. Yes, he still had not watched the 2009 movie, he did not want to hear any more about it! But today was not that day so next on the list was _Life of Pi._ He did not know much about the movie, only that there was a tiger on a boat and that was it. Steven said he cried during the movie and oh, how he wished that there was no singing during this movie.

The following morning, as he was waiting for Annie and Adam to arrive so they could go on a grocery run for the new episode of Tasty, he texted Steven.

**Hot Honey:** What part of Life of Pi made you cry?

(Yes, that was his nickname on their chat. On an episode of Worth It, Andrew made a joke that 'Hot Honey' was his nickname in high school to which Steven rebuffed him for it immediately. Off-camera, Steven said he should have been called Adjective Andrew.)

**Sticky Steven:** are you actually watching the movie???

 **Sticky Steven:** are you watching something that i recommended??

 **Hot Honey:** Which part?

 **Sticky Steven:** should i call 911?? because you said the only time you would ever watch that movie (or ANY ACTUALLY) is when you are dying!!!

 **Hot Honey:** HUSH, Sticky Steven!

 **Sticky Steven:** where are you in the movie?

 **Hot Honey:** I've finished it.

 **Sticky Steven:** i cried at the ending. when pi says that he left so much behind & that the whole of life is essentially an act of letting go

 **Hot Honey:** That part made you cry?

 **Sticky Steven:** it wasn't JUST that part but his entire life he never got the chance to say goodbye to his country, to the zoo & his family, that he never got the moment to say goodbye

 **Hot Honey:** I don't like goodbyes myself.

He does not know where the sudden honesty was coming from but welp, here it was, out in the open. Though he would always be open with Steven for he knew he could come to him with anything, anything at all, and Steven would take it all in stride. He would not judge him for it.

Not one bit.

 **Sticky Steven:** i know that. goodbyes do suck but what sucks more is as pi said not having the moment to say goodbye

like pi didn't get the chance and oftentimes in life we never do get the chance

In some odd way, Andrew felt like he did not say goodbye to Steven. He was robbed of that moment, at the airport when he was dropping him off, or the tiny moments slowly accumulating and leading up to the Airport Moment when Steven left, he did not notice they were tiny goodbyes that he was letting pass by.

Somewhere in his rational brain, he knew Steven would come back, as people always came back, but maybe he should have said goodbye to Steven when he was boarding his afternoon flight to New York City.

 **Hot Honey:** Should I have said goodbye?

 **Sticky Steven:** to who??

 **Hot Honey:** You.

 **Sticky Steven:** no. why would you???

 **Hot Honey:** You left.

 **Sticky Steven:** i'm not staying forever. it's only for several weeks

 **Hot Honey:** Any new insight on approaching 30?

 **Sticky Steven:** it's weird??? y'know how airports work right?? if you wanna fly to london from LA there is a transit in either o'hare or JFK.

 **Hot Honey:** Of course.

 **Sticky Steven:** i feel like i'm stuck in transit, at the age of 29. my twenties were "LA" and "london" is my 30s. there's a whole adventure am leaving behind, yet a new one awaits me.

 **Sticky Steven:** So im stuck

 **Hot Honey:** But we are never stuck, we just are.

 **Sticky Steven:** a part of me does not want to board the flight, wants to go back to "LA", remain there…

 **Sticky Steven:** yet another part knows i should head to "London", wait for what's coming on the horizon

 **Sticky Steven:** can i tell you something??

 **Hot Honey:** Of course!

 **Sticky Steven:** idk how you do it. How you're able to be content with turning 30 so soon.

 **Hot Honey:** I became very comfortable with the idea of growing old a long time ago. I feel like the older I grow, the more aligned I am with my personality. I hated being young.

 **Sticky Steven:** i LOVE being young!!!!

 **Sticky Steven:** why'd you hate being young?? What about Little Andrew still inside of you???

 **Hot Honey:** Like Peter Pan syndrome?

 **Sticky Steven:** in some ways, yeah. what about that Andrew??

 **Hot Honey:** He died a long time ago.

Steven was calling him. He answered on the first ring with a roll of his eyes telling him that he was busy with work.

 _"If you were really working you would not be texting me,"_ he dismissed him immediately. _"What do you mean 'died a long time ago'? How come we've never talked about this?"_

"I… It didn't come up in the conversation?" Andrew tried. He leaned back against the kitchen counter as his eyes trained on a brown cabinet handle to his left. "I wasn't much of a child-like person. It's just… in my nature, I guess."

_"What of going to Disneyland? Did you not building forts and playing Hide-and-Seek in your twenties? Or eating cereal for dinner because screw societal norm?"_

Andrew chuckled, lightly shaking his head. "Nobody should eat cereal for dinner, there's a reason it's labeled as a breakfast food. But I missed those chances, you know? When kids were busy being kids, I didn't get the memo and when I was in high school I realized I was different. I grew up different."

_"How so?"_

Andrew shifted on his feet. "I don't know. Boys would talk of shit they did with their friends, their firsts of everything which I hadn't done or even thought of like kissing, sex, all of it. Or times they'd go on when they'd sneak out of their parents' house to go for raves and shit, skipping Prom—"

 _"Prom?"_ Steven sounded scandalized. _"You didn't go to Prom?"_

"I found it—by the time Prom came around I had missed so much of my high school years – whatever that means – and didn't care anymore. I simply decided it wasn't worth my time and moved on."

 _"Nobody misses Prom!"_ Steven lamented on the phone. _"It's a… a rite of passage for high school. If you don't go then it's like you didn't finish high school."_

"I think my high school diploma counts as a finishing high school."

_"You know what I mean."_

"I didn't miss anything," Andrew found himself defending. "I grew up fine, simply wasn't into—all those things. I liked who I was and was comfortable with that fact, and that's saying a lot in today's society where everyone wants what the other has."

Steven hummed appreciatively on the phone.

This whole conversation had Andrew pondering if his life was all it was cracked up to be. No, he was not having a mid-life crisis, he had his when he was 27-years-old (yes, his came early) and was past it. He remembered washing his face one night, blinked, and suddenly he had a saggy face, wrinkles around his eyes, mouth, and forehead. He looked down at his arms and they _looked old and wrinkly_ as if he had dipped his hands for 27 years in water. Except it was not, it was a default of growing old. Oddly, he took it as it was: he was growing old and there was nothing more to it.

Besides, he often opined that he was not getting older, he was becoming a classic.

"You're not on the wrong path," Andrew reminded Steven. "You often would say that when you watched marathons of those TV shows you loved so much."

_"I still don't know why you didn't watch them with me but whatever."_

"I don't wake up and the first thing on my calendar is regret so I wouldn't know what it's like feeling as if I wasted my twenties," he said, choosing his words that would resonate within Steven. "I don't know why you had to travel 3, 944 kilometers away, or move to the most backward state in America, but if it helps in your journey, I want it for you." He spotted Adam and Annie walking in the studio which was his cue to wrap things up. "I miss you."

He was so scared after he said those three words, eight letters that he immediately cut the phone and clutched the device hard in his hand. His heart was stuck in his throat and his brain was repeatedly going haywire by replaying his last phrase he said to Steven. He bit down on his bottom lip and told himself that it was fine, everything was fine and Steven would be back. He was simply _Eat, Pray, Love_ -ing across America and not, you know, in India or Bali.

His phone pinged and he inhaled deeply. He was Andrew Ilnyckyj, the fish sign, the guy who went through a rock phase in high school, he could read the daunting text message.

 **Sticky Steven:** i'm actually 2, 445 miles away (we use MILES in usa not kilometers, Kind Sir)

 **Sticky Steven:** for the record, i miss you too (:

He bit his bottom lip so hard to prevent himself from giggling with happiness.

**| | + | |**

Andrew was never an impulsive person, even as a child. He was dead set in his ways, did things a certain way. He always had iOS for his computer and phone, he always drank orange juice, never added more than a teaspoon of sugar in his tea. He had to have a blue-colored item in his outfit of the day, he celebrated only six holidays in a year and as much as he hated to admit it, Halloween was a national holiday to him. He watched five sunrises in a week. As much as he could, he ate vegetarian dishes during the weekdays and meat during the weekends. He drank a glass of white wine once a week with ice in it, and not just in his wine but in all of his drinks he added ice.

The most spontaneous thing he can admittedly state he had ever done was Worth It. The show where Steven somehow roped him into being a co-host, where they tasted various foods at drastically different price points to find out which one was worth it at its price.

Whether it was for himself or Steven, mostly for Steven, he wanted to prove that he was not, in fact, a rigid persona but rather he was flexible, like the waters.

"Oh, wow, you're finally taking your holidays?" Jade questioned, surprised colored on her face. She was the Head of HR.

"Yeah."

"… are you going to see Steven in New York?"

Andrew frowned. Why was that her first question? What had she heard? "Orlando, actually. And no, I'll be right here in LA."

Jade peered above her tortoiseshell glasses. "I hear Paris is beautiful this time of year."

Andrew made a face at her. "I'm not traveling the world."

"You have so many vacation days and not going anywhere?"

"LA is plenty big," he defended, just like he defended himself yesterday to Steven when he also suggested traveling. Except he had recommended Seattle as it was more Andrew's taste. "There's so much between LA and San Fran."

Jade stared at him for a few seconds before she sighed in defeat, handing him his approved Vacation Request Letter. "Don't spend it on the couch combing Tokyo's fur the entire day."

Tokyo was his British Longhair cat.

"Bye, Jade!"

Part one was done and now for Part two which was: _where do I go?_ Steven genuinely did suggest heading to Seattle as he knew very well Andrew was not stepping a foot outside the border of the United States of America. He did not like Seattle, the pretentious state of the country and he was most definitely not that. Besides, he tasted Pretentious every time he stepped outside the door, why not learn Los Angeles Pretentious instead of traveling to the Walmart version of it?

You guessed it: Andrew, the stuck-in-his-ways Andrew, was using his vacation days that had been gathering dust, and he was going to spend them decidedly not on the couch, take that Steven Lim!

(For some odd reason, everyone knew he spent it cuddling his cat. Great.)

He was heading to the last place anyone would guess he would travel to Disneyland. Disneyland Park Anaheim, to be specific. Option One was taking his car, barely a 30min drive to Disneyland but somehow, he felt Steven would be prouder if he took public transportation, you know being adventurous and all that. Option Two was an Uber which would cost him nearly $100 return and he was not about to cough up that much on a taxi, he had bills to pay, thank you very much, Option Three, the one he was dreading, was the train. There was not a direct train to Disneyland but it was his best option and the cost was way less than the Uber. Unfortunately, it was the longest journey taking two hours and 20 minutes which in Los Angeles standard was an average journey.

He stepped onto the balcony of his apartment and shut the door behind him. He set his bottle of sauvignon blanc, two glasses, one with ice and one without, on the table, and a packet of Marlboro's. He sat down on the chair, propped his feet on the railing, and lit one of his cigarettes. He picked up the habit when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend back when he had his mid-life crisis and for weeks he could neither eat nor sleep. Smoking kept him going, the smoke lighting a small fire in his otherwise dead body, in short, it kept him alive.

He had not managed to get rid of the habit, but then again, he has not made the effort.

He was not anti-trains, in case that thought crossed your mind, but he was not a fan of them. There was a sense of finality about them, about saying goodbyes and heading off into a new direction forever. Ironically, it was how he met Steven for the first time, and ever since his mother's words rang in his mind now and then. Her lasting words, that she often used to say in his teen years, were that even the wrong train can take you to the right destination. He would roll his eyes, stating that stuff was made for movies and Disney, and, for fuck's sake, nobody boards a wrong train!

Well, he did one day.

His then-girlfriend had borrowed his car for a road trip to drive to Las Vegas for a Bachelorette party, he did not have the Uber app and he hated the bus… so the train was his last option. He was to take the 12: 17 PM train, not the 12:11 PM one but seeing as he was re-reading Adam Bianchi's text about why they could not re-make chocolate crepe cake (he had been working for two weeks on this project and poof! It was no more because Ben Paulsa, his Manager at the time, had a vendetta against him), he climbed the 12:11 PM train. In the back of his mind, he had heard the train coming, knowing he had to speak to Ben immediately, beg him to please continue with his chocolate crepe cake project as quickly as possible, he boarded the train and sat down in the first seat his peripheral vision could see.

Except his peripheral vision was wrong and he had bumped into an old lady who, which till this day he cannot figure out, had the strength of John Cena because she pushed him back and bumped into another human body. The body of an Asian American who was listening to music when Andrew's body assaulted him.

He had profusely apologized, the Asian American dismissing his apologies all while the old lady walked away muttering something about people needing to watch where they are walking. He kept apologizing, to the point they were being stared at by the other passengers. The man had bent down to pick Andrew's phone with a pitying look on his face: his phone had smashed in the process of assault and that was the last straw.

He had plopped down on the train seats cursing under his breath. It was definitely not his day, nor had it been his month, actually, but he was taking it in stride but then again he could not do it anymore. He had been broken up with, his projects were constantly being rejected by his Manager that his show 'Eating Your Feed' was threatened to extinction, and now, oh dear, his phone had broken and there was no way he could have asked Adam to stall Ben. His mother had often warned him there would be days like this but—

He had felt he had been stuck in second gear, unable to move.

He had felt a hand on his shoulder, tentative then strong. He swallowed thickly before he turned his head to look at the man he fell against. His eyes were drawn to the bright baby blue hair he was sporting, almost a sky shade, almost as blue as his own eyes.

"You have blue hair," he remembered dumbly commenting. Of course, he had blue hair, what had he been thinking? He does not remember the middle part but he remembered the ending: Andrew realizing he had boarded the wrong train, he had missed his stop in the process. In a twist, Steven brazenly pulled him out of the train at its second last stop and they enjoyed the suburban city of Yorba Linda, the residency of the then-President Richard Nixon.

Imagine his shock when no sooner than a month later did he find Steven in the reception awaiting his interview.

"What are you doing here?" he had asked by way of greeting. Steven had looked up from his stacks of paper and gawked.

"Oh my days, Andrew!" He stood up to embrace him warmly. "What are you doing here? Do you work here?"

Andrew had nodded. "Welcome to my humble aboard."

"Buzzfeed has been a dream of mine and I can't believe you worked here this whole time! It's an amazing place, right?"

Andrew had chuckled at his enthusiasm, so pure, so golden that, for a brief moment, wondered why he disliked working at Buzzfeed. "It grows on you. What time is your interview?"

"In 30 minutes. Thought I'd find the place early, get my facts right, try and not shit my pants… the usual."

"You'll be fine. These interviews are usually a formality but really, you're already hired. You're a brilliant person, there's no reason why they wouldn't hire you."

Steven had turned, looking down at his briefcase on his lap. "I don't know. I must confess when I met you by serendipity that day on the train, I had quit my job at the lab, my 3-year Chemical Engineering college degree down the drain, and I didn't know where I was going." He had briefly met Andrew's gaze then looked past his shoulder. "I had the most amazing time in Yorba Linda with you and for once in my life, I got to stop, breathe, and enjoy life. I hadn't done that in a while and you gave me that." He gazed back at Andrew, his baby blue hair matching Andrew's eyes. "I never got to thank you for changing my life."

Andrew was floored. Irrevocably floored by this man, this man who loved jackets and dying his hair rainbow colors, this man who took the train instead of an Uber, this very man who had sunshine oozing from his pores thanked Andrew, Stoic Andrew, for an amazing day was mind-boggling.

He had had no time to respond, the Receptionist informing Steven that he was ready for his interview. Steven sent him a smile and Andrew stared for long at his retreating back even after the door had been shut. He was still staring.

He blamed time for making him sentimental. Steven walked into his life and it was love. No, not love at first sight, leave that for the movies and fairytales, but he knew that Steven was someone he would care for for a very long, long time. What was love all about anyway? What was it that made people fall for other people?

In hindsight, there was never a reason he loved Steven. After all, love never needed a reason because love just is. He simply loved Steven.

Andrew, after showing Steven the ins and outs of Buzzfeed, he felt himself knowing he could easily fall in love with the baby blue-haired man. He knew he did not actually love him, it had only been a week, do not be crazy, but he knew he could. It was almost like the bud of a flower, ready to blossom but not quite there.

But he never let himself fall in love with Steven, keeping his heart locked in a vault. It was safe to say his heart was uncrackable. Dolefully, he was tearing from the inside out.

He had wished he had told Steven, on that fateful day, that he had changed his life as well.

He lit his third cigarette of the night, the inhalation of smoke giving his mind a sense of calm to his buzzing thoughts. He picked up his phone and went to Steven's contact. His last message was a photo of his boarding pass to Alabama. He was off again, he supposed. Underneath the photo, Steven wrote: _1,811 miles._ Then, a few minutes ago he added: _I heard the U.S. Space & Rocket Center is a must-see here._

 **Hot Honey:** I thought it was in Washington D.C.?

He finished his cigarette when his phone pinged.

 **Sticky Steven:** that's NASA, this one is different from that

 **Hot Honey:** Why Alabama? All I am thinking of is the song HOME SWEET ALABAMA

 **Sticky Steven:** lol me too. but i try not to judge… we're all weird in our own ways

 **Hot Honey:** 1,811 miles is shorter…

 **Hot Honey** Are you still in transit? In your airport analogy.

 **Sticky Steven:** yes, sadly

 **Hot Honey:** Airports were not made for staying but for taking a deep breath and moving on. Have you figured if there is something else bothering you?

 **Sticky Steven:** what do you mean???

 **Hot Honey:** Are you really afraid of turning 30? Or is it something else?

 **Sticky Steven:** i don't know what you mean

 **Hot Honey:** Think about it.

Not ten minutes later did Steven call him and he answered not on the first ring, but the sixth.

 _"I have thought about it and I think I've fried my brain,"_ Steven said as soon as he answered his phone.

"You're silly."

There was a stretch of silence from the other end of the phone. He brought a new cigarette to his lips and inhaled. He waited for him, he always waited for Steven, until he was ready. The blue-haired man always choosing his words carefully, each and every time, some habit he picked up after reading that damn _Eat Pray Love_ book.

Fuck's sake, he hated that book!

_"Remember when we were filming for the Chicken Sandwich episode? Well, that morning I had gotten ready like I do and rushed out of my apartment. But I had forgotten my contacts so I ran back to get it. But it was weird, it smelled different, in a way._

"What smelled different?"

_"My bathroom."_

"What do you mean?"

_"It smelled as if my old man had used the shower. The same."_

"Did your dad come to visit you?"

_"No! That's the crazy thing. It smelled like my dad but not really. But kind of. It smelled like an old man was in there. I checked my shower gels but they were the same ones I've been using for years. I don't know when I became so old. Was it that morning of the Chicken episode when I became old? Was it a week earlier when I got my cat? Was it two months before when I broke up with Ying? Or maybe it was many, many mornings ago when I became old. When did I become so old, Andrew?"_

Andrew could not answer him, not right now, probably not ever. His heart went out for him, he sounded so broken, defeated, the weight of his past years catching up to him and for a moment he wished he were there with him.

"Can I tell you something?"

_"Always."_

"Remember when we met on the train? When I was feeling burnout from work and everything?

_"Of course. It was the best moment of my life because I met you in the most serendipity of ways."_

Andrew ducked his head, hiding his smile from the shining moon. He took a moment and two to gather his voice. "I wanted to tell you that I often think of you and the time we spent together in Yorba Linda was my happiest time. I'd do it all over again if I had the choice."

 _"Really?"_ He murmured, so soft and so warm.

"I would not change a single thing about that day, Steven."

_"What about your Eating Your Feed projecting being rejected by Ben?"_

"No."

_"And breaking up with your ex?"_

"No."

_"That old lady pushing you?"_

"Maybe change the old lady to somebody younger. Something about an old person pushing me bruises my ego," he laughed and Steven joined him.

 _"Just so you know,"_ he said as if telling him a secret. _"I wouldn't either."_

**| | + | |**

He started his magical journey deep under the ocean on the spirit of Tomorrowland that encompassed the Finding Nemo Voyage, followed by a space exploration to Mars which, well, he was glued as anything space and future related he indulged in deeply. He delved deep in the heart of Fantasyland, a fairytale village that brought to life the wonders of iconic Disney classic films like Sleeping Beauty and Peter Pan. The Peter Pan segment was whimsical as Peter Pan usually went.

He had been looking forward to the Pirates of the Caribbean part all day long that when he reached its ride that his eyes did not know where to look _first_. He had read rumors that the ride was decorated with actual skeletons. According to the rumors, the theme park designers had asked a couple of medical centers for any spare medical specimens for, well, the kids. Talk about getting your money's worth! Andrew did not know how true the rumors were but being here in the flesh, they genuinely did look like real skeletons. There were waterfalls and pirates and cannons and skulls, skulls everywhere!

His adventure at the Park came to a close with a wonderful adventure by mimicking Tarzan by literally climbing trees, hanging from one green branch onto another and he did it all in zeal. He saw other sites such as the mermaids, Cinderella, and awing openly at the Star Wars adventure (he nearly fainted upon spotting Obi-Wan Kenobi).

Disneyland was truly a magical place.

He understood why people got engaged at the magical land, despite his initial cringe at the engagement photos he usually scrolled past on Snapchat.

Andrew was not lying, he could almost taste the magic it oozed from every ride, from every adventure, from every food, everything was magical. The rides were phenomenal, the food was scrumptious, the bright red Mickey Mouse headband made him laugh a lot that he bought an extra one for when Steven flew back to California.

On the train ride back home, he stood the entire way. There was no space for sitting down, about halfway through his journey there was an empty seat but alas, he spotted an old lady and gave up the seat for her.

"Thank you very much!" Her voice reminded him of New Jersey, of pumpkin pie and Elvis Presley.

He smiled politely at her and looked out the window at the passing landscape. He could almost feel her soft eyes on him, looking on curiously as she held her small black purse on her lap. He gave up and looked down at her and she politely smiled at him.

"I hope I'm not wasting your time but I am visiting my grandson and would like to know if I'm on the right train."

Andrew stared. Had this old lady been on the train this long without knowing if she was on the correct train? A part of his heart broke for the lady, today's society was unforgiving on the elderly, society viewing them as having played their part in life and shoo them off as quickly as possible.

"Where are you headed?"

"Glendale."

"I'm sorry but this train is headed to Glendora," he informed her. "I think you're on the wrong train, Ma'am."

She clutched onto her bag tightly, her face crestfallen. "Oh no! I'm going to miss my grandson's birthday."

"If you get off on the next stop, you'll be able to easily catch the train to Glendale."

"You're heading in the wrong direction, pal."

Andrew and the old lady turned to face to their right. It was a teenage girl with two large ponytails on her head, one yellow and the other red, with a skull eyebrow piercing.

"What?"

She popped her bubblegum before speaking, "This train is going to Glendale, not Glendora."

"No, it's—" He was about to disagree with her when she pointed her neon orange nail over his shoulder. He turned and looked up. There, in bright green writing, was the Destination (Glendale) and Next Stop: Pico Rivera moving from right to left. Fuck. He was heading to East Los Angeles, not North Los Angeles, where he lived.

Wrong train. Wrong destination.

He cursed loudly. He made quick map calculations in his head and figured if he were to revert, he missed the station where he needed to board the right train to the right destination. He turned back and smiled at the old lady.

"I'm mistaken, you're on the right train. I'm on the wrong one," he added the last part, directed at the teenage girl.

The train opened its doors at Pico Rivera, its passengers got off as others hopped on. Andrew sat on the vacant seat near the old lady and let out a long-suffering sigh. He snorted. He had been mesmerized by his magical time at Disneyland he misread the direction the train was heading to. In his defense, Glend _ora_ and Glend _ale_ were similar in name and his brain must have confused the two and he hopped on.

"Did you have fun today?"

Andrew shook his head in _What do you mean?_

She pointed towards his head. "Your headband."

Ah, he still had his red Mickey Mouse headband. He laughed to himself. "I did, actually. I had an amazing time."

"Shouldn't you have gotten off if you're heading to Glendora?" Teen girl with ponytails asked.

He did not know when strangers were all of a sudden friendly on trains, or when they felt brazen to strike up a conversation but he blamed it on a weird parallel universe he was in. After all, he had gone to Disneyland on purpose.

"My mother often said that sometimes you get on the wrong train but end up on the right destination. I am living that phrase."

Teen Girl raised her eyebrow with the piercing. "Do you know what's in Glendale?"

"My friend lives there," he found himself admitting. "Not right now. He is in Albuquerque as of yesterday. He's been touring the country, something about finding himself and all that."

"Bullshit!"

Andrew turned and cocked an eyebrow at Teen Girl. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're traveling to Glendale claiming that you don't live there because you allegedly live in Glendora." She popped her bubblegum loudly. "Normal people would descend and find the proper means home yet here you are, following this old lady to her home. Are you going to murder her?"

The old lady let out a light gasp, clutching her purse.

"I'm not following you, Ma'am," he assured her and shot the Teen Girl a mean glare. "I—I miss him, okay? I miss Steven so much and—and I love him." His heart thumped loudly against his ribcage. "I love him and I'm half a heart without him."

Old Lady smiled sweetly up at him. "Aw, dear, we all have someone that we miss in your lives."

"Did you know I was too shy to tell him?" Andrew said a little surprised at his honesty. "I was too shy to tell him that I admired his hair every time he colored it a new color. I was too shy to say I loved working with him as co-hosts, trying new foods, and making memories with him. I was too shy to tell him I admire his strong relationship with God as not many people have that today. Too shy to say that he should stay in LA with me instead of traveling the country. Too shy to tell him that I was falling in love with him, no matter what I told myself. I was too shy to admit I had fallen for Steven Lim."

"Just tell him!" Teen Girl popped her bubblegum.

He tsk'd. "It's not that easy."

"I have to agree with…?"

"Aileen."

"Pam," Pam introduced herself then turned to Andrew, expectantly. He introduced himself. "I have to agree with Aileen, here. If you love someone, you say it. Life doesn't give us many second chances, dear."

"It's not that easy. He's… Steven Lim." _Whatever that means_ , he added silently. "When was the last time you told someone that you love them?"

"Today," Aileen said, cocking an eyebrow defiantly. "I told my boyfriend in the hospital."

"Is he going to be alright?" asked Andrew, surprised at Aileen's submission.

She shrugged one shoulder. "He's got cancer. Doctors don't know how long he has."

"I'm sorry, dear!"

"When did you last say I love you?"

"Today as well," Pam smiled. "I came from my husband's grave as today would've been our 67th wedding anniversary."

What? Andrew's mind questioned. Again, what was this parallel universe that Andrew was living in?

"I'm sorry—" Pam waved her hand in dismissal manner, instead of questioning why he was heading to Glendale if Steven was not in Los Angeles. After Andrew had not answered for a while, Aileen whispered, rather loudly, _he's going to kill you!_

Andrew rolled his eyes and caught Pam's soft laughter. "When Steven and I talked about our childhoods, I told him that Disneyland had always been a dream of mine as a child. I had photos and posters and articles stuck all over my bedroom wall about it, swearing to my parents I'd take myself there. They couldn't afford it – we live in New Jersey - and so it was up to me to take myself there.

"Every once in a while, Steven would ask me when I'd go to Disney but I'd dismiss him saying I was working, I was busy, short of money… I couldn't make it. There was always a reason why I couldn't go to Disneyland but truthfully, I was scared of going. For every broken relationship, for every shitty grade I got, the teenage years, to the lost years, to the years of feeling I wasn't enough, it all crumbled away the moment I walked past the Disneyland arc. I allowed myself to love Disney and the secret, the reason I was so scared, was cause I'd lost sight of the simple things in life, the small pleasures it gives." He looked to both Aileen and Pam. "I think Steven has lost that hence his need to travel the country."

The both of them said nothing for a while, Aileen's eyes wide open unblinking, and Pam's eyes had a cheeky twinkle to them.

"You know what you need, dear?" Pam questioned and Andrew did not need to answer for she plowed on. "You need 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery and I promise you something fabulous come from it."

"What do you mean?"

"Use those 20 seconds to tell Steven how much he means to you and I guarantee something splendid will come out of it."

"I'm not about to tell him I love him when I don't know if he does!"

"That's part of the point of 20 seconds, birdbrain!" Aileen spoke up. "It doesn't matter what will happen after you tell Steve just as long as you tell him."

"Steven," he absentmindedly corrected her.

Pam smiled up at Andrew. Andrew looked back at Pam. She said, "You're feeling like a half a heart without him because you're not allowing yourself to fully love him. You need to stop being shy and gather up the courage to say it."

Whether it was Pam's gentle voice, the bubblegum pop sound from Aileen, the city of Los Angeles swiftly moving outside the train in the sunset light, or simply his aching heart for Steven, he took out his phone from his pocket and dialed Steven's number. He answered on the second ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, Steven," he said, his voice a higher pitch than usual and then croaked when he said his name. He looked to his right where Pam and Aileen were eagerly watching him back. "I… uh… how are you?"

Aileen was making wild gestures with her left-hand turned into a makeshift phone while her right hand demonstrating a gesture of talking wildly. Andrew frowned, never have been great at charades, he mouthed to her, _What are you saying?_

"Loudspeaker!" she loudly whispered.

Andrew pressed the loudspeaker option on his phone and they only caught the end of Steven's sentence. "… long walk."

"Crazy, right?"

_"It was, I didn't expect that from Albuquerque International Sunport to be fair."_

"Wait, what? You're at the airport?"

_"That's what I said. Wasn't that why you said it was crazy?"_

"Are you not in New Mexico?"

_"I flew back today. About three hours ago, to be precise. I guess someone hasn't seen my texts?"_

"No, not really. Why are you back?"

Steven chuckled nervously on the phone. _"Did you not want me back?"_

Andrew wanted to say _of course I wanted you back,_ he always wanted him back _._ He was counting down the days Steven would be back even if he did not know when Steven would ever be back as he never did say when he would fly back to California.

Pam whispered, "Tell him," softly reminding him of the reason he called Steven in the first place. But the man beat him to it.

_"Can I confess you something?"_

"Sure." He briefly looked to the two ladies then down to his phone. "Of course."

 _"That morning when you asked me what part of_ Life of Pi _I cried at and I told you it was the ending,"_

"Yeah…"

"It coincided with my mom's death anniversary."

Andrew's mouth hung open. His eyes opened widely as it dawned on him that indeed, two years ago Steven's dear mother passed away. How could he not remember? How could he not know? Here he was thinking Steven left because he was afraid of turning 30 when it was his mother's passing that caused him to leave.

How could he be so stupid!

 _"Pi never did tell Richard Parker that he was grateful for saving his life. Never thanked his father all for the lessons he learned."_ Steven's voice stilled, and Andrew gripped his phone. He held his breath, his entire being focused on Steven on the other end of his phone, not caring about the passengers on the train, not caring about anything but Steven. _"I don't think I let go of my mother and what truly hurt all these years was never getting a moment to say goodbye because I couldn't attend her funeral. I was not able to go and I hated myself for it."_

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you for it."

 _"I know but—it still hurts. Hurt."_ Steven inhaled deeply. _"I went to New York, Florida, New Mexico, and Alabama because she always wished she could have gone. But death robbed her of that and so I went, on behalf of her. In each place, I thanked her for everything she sacrificed for us. The reason I was afraid of turning 30 was that I had promised myself to travel before I turned a new decade."_ Pause. _"I'm sorry if I scared you."_

"You… I thought it was because you stopped seeing the beautiful things in life."

_"What do you mean?"_

"I went to Disneyland today?" He does not know why he phrased it as a question yet he did.

 _"Whoa!"_ Steven sounded elated on the phone. _"You did? Alone? Was there a gun pointed to the back of your head?"_

Aileen giggled and Pam shushed her.

"I finally did Little Andrew proudly. I made him a promise and I fulfilled it. And when I was there I knew I had lost sight of the simple things in life, of the small pleasures it gives and I wrongly assumed you had, too."

_"No, no, you're partly right, Andrew. It was this year when life just seemed to drag on and the weight of my promise to my mom weighing heavily on my conscious."_

"Hence the need to travel," Andrew said, more of a conclusion to himself than to those around him. He cleared his throat, looked to Aileen and Pam for a stroke of that 20-second bravery they talked of, and told Steven, quite heavily, that he had something to tell him.

_"Me too, actually. "I came earlier than intended, took an Uber to Glendora but you weren't home."_

Andrew blinked in surprise. "You came to my apartment?"

" _I did. But you were enjoying the magical world of Mickey Mouse, Cinderella, and of course, Johnny Depp,"_ Steven laughed and Andrew smiled, wetly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't home," he said, his words getting choked up. "I was on a train back home but it was the wrong fucking train, like the first time I met you, and guess what? The train is heading to Glendale."

 _"Hey! I live here!"_ Steven cheered. _"but wait—when was—how did—you didn't know I was back? How did you know?"_

"I didn't," Andrew told him. "I really, really did not know you were back. I am on the wrong train but for the first time in my life I think I'm getting off on the right station."

Steven breathed on the phone, _"Andrew."_

"I'm on the train with an old lady and some punk rock teen and they reminded me that I have to take a chance. I need to take a chance even if when I don't know what will happen. I need to take the chance to tell my best friend that I am in love with him!"

Aileen loudly cheered and Pam whistled, alerting those around them to the sudden noise.

_"Wh-what was that? Are those the people you met on the train?"_

"Yes!" Aileen yelled to the phone. "We are! You have an incredible man right here, Steve."

"Steven," both Andrew and Steven said.

Pam smiled warmly at Andrew.

"You're not saying anything," Andrew said, his blood running cold after Steven had been silent for far too long for his liking when in reality it was three seconds. "I'm sorry If I overstepped but I didn't want t—"

 _"No, it's not that. Not that at all. It's just—I wasn't looking for anything, or anyone when I met you. I wasn't planning on falling for anyone seeing as I had just broken up with Ying. But then I met you and I slowly found myself wanting to spend time with you. I couldn't believe how simple that was. How simple it is,"_ Steven corrected. _"When I was in Florida, I told my mom that I had been a big giant idiot because I couldn't see how much I love you, Andrew Ilnyckyj."_

He was speaking rapidly, his voice rising in elated noises, then lowering in passionate hushed tones just like Andrew's rapidly beating heart. It was no different right now as to how it had always been. Whenever Andrew was around Steven his heart palpitations went through the roof, as if playing a hard metal song, he genuinely felt he was three minutes away from a heart attack, from his heart exploding.

"Where are you right now?" Andrew barely got the words out.

_"Home. You?"_

"One-stop away from Glendale."

_"Meet you at the station?"_

Andrew swallowed. He let out a breath he did not he was holding. "Yeah."

_"I love you, Andrew."_

"I love you, Steven."

Wrong train. Right Destination.

The moment in between was a blur. Aileen was cheering loudly, Pam was gushing about budding love and Andrew? Andrew could not get to Glendale fast enough. Funny how he met Steven on a train the first time, the first time when – thanks to a strong old lady – pushed him onto Steven when he was not meant to. He was not meant to have taken the 12:11 PM train and yet he did. Fast forward to now when he should have climbed the train bound for Glendora yet he was heading to Glendale. He should have been heading North, not East.

He should have headed home yet, in a lot of ways, he was coming Home.

Getting off the train, he turned around to find Aileen and Pam were not trailing behind him.

"Don't—don't you want to see that I'm not coming to Glendale to murder Pam?" he inquired, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

Aileen was the first to leave. "If I read news of an old lady going missing, I took photos of you for the police," she said to him. He did not know if she was serious or not, but something about her eyebrow piercing and popping her bubblegum one last time, changed his opinion.

Pam smiled up at Andrew as she gently cupped his face. "20 seconds is all we ever need, dear. Don't forget the beautiful things in life."

Andrew tightly hugged her, _Thank you for your courage_ , and wished her a wonderful time at her grandson's birthday party.

It had been a while but it did not matter because their feelings never changed. The stars watched as Andrew, still donning a red Mickey Mouse headband, and Steven, in his familiar colored hair, found each other in the busy train station. People buzzed and bustled around them, the intercom announcing the final call for all those heading to Burbank.

"Hey."

"Hey, you."

"I got you a headband."

"You got a blue one to match my hair?"

Andrew bit down on his bottom lip. "Yeah." He tip-toed as Steven bent his head forward, and placed Mickey's ears on his head.

"Glendale, huh?"

"Wrong train."

"Right station."

Andrew leans right in and presses their lips together. He had not kissed before, promise, but it felt familiar. He tasted Home on Steven's rosy lips, he tasted the millions of times Steven made him laugh, the times when he would put an arm around him to show him something that had caught his eye. Steven's hands came up and cupped his face and the touch soaked beneath his skin, all the way to his bones.

He tenderly thumbed Steven's cheeks and the happy, sweet sigh had his knees feeling like jelly.

He opened up his mouth for Steven to lick into his mouth, like how he opened himself for Steven. He opened his heart when Steven and he went on a Worth It trip together, when Steven invited him for Thanksgiving to his home in Ohio, to when Steven cried silently in his arms when his mom passed away.

And Steven, gladly, made a little home in all the spaces of his heart.

"Zero miles."

Andrew pulled back though still in Steven's embrace, confused. "What?"

"We're zero miles from each other."

Andrew huffed a laugh. He was in love with this Steven, oh boy. He tip-toed and kissed him again. He would always kiss him again, enjoying the love he felt and gave when he was in Steven's arms, to be able to kiss him and taste the same feelings on his lips.

"Zero miles sounds good."

"Zero miles sound fucking amazing."

Steven took Andrew's hands in his and headed out of Glendale station _._ Steven listened intently as Andrew, too eager to wait, told him of his adventure to Disneyland, of Aileen and Pam, of how he fainted when Obi-Wan Kenobi signed his lightsaber.

The train left the Burbank station, proceeding on with its journey for its passengers heading farther East of Los Angeles. It did not wait for Andrew because after all, Andrew got off at the right station.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to google maps for names of cities, trains & general directions around LA ! you’re the bomb diggity! also, thanks google for general knowledge, coming in clutch [;
> 
> id looooove to hear your kudos, comments and thoughts on this work, all good and bad don't be shy and drop a few letters in the comment box [;
> 
> cheers !


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